First Things First - Oneshot
by Project-Marzanna
Summary: A Blur: That's what it all feels like as the burns sear holes through the brunette's flesh. Excruciating and painful, the man's screams of pain intermingle with those of his sister crying to him desperately on the other line.


_Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency has taken over my entire life so I decided to write this short one shot based on what I envision happening immediately after the S1 finale. I haven't written anything in awhile and nothing for DGHDA yet so I'm hoping I'm doing my favorite show the justice it deserves. Enjoy!_

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A Blur: That's what it all feels like as the burns sear holes through the brunette's flesh. Excruciating and painful, the man's screams of pain intermingle with those of his sister crying to him desperately on the other line. Screams of his name and questions about his state try to tear through his mind but they fail, as the burning sensation is too much and the holes in his hands gape more and more with every passing second.

As if looking at the face of death, he struggles on the ground, hoping for some respite. As he loses his hands, the sights, sounds and surroundings start to converge together as one. The only thing that's perfectly clear is the feeling of slowly losing his body to the holes burning through him and eating away at his extremities.

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So consumed by the horrors befalling him, he doesn't notice the leather jacket clad beauty dart over to him. Still upholding her mask of steel, she tries not to freak out as she witnesses her friend having an attack and hears the desperate cries of his sister coming through a muffled speaker. Trying to stop his hallucinations, she tries to shake her friend awake and tries to keep calm. She's equipped to handle emergencies and danger, but the screaming of two of her closest friends surrounding overwhelm her.

As the bodyguard slowly loses herself to the paranoia that got in the way of her dreams time and time again, she tries to explain what's happening to the voice on the other end. As she talks, the woman on the phone becomes quieter and quieter as seems to realize the gravity of the situation. She confirms the woman's fears about the nature of the attack and directs the bodyguard to give outside stimuli to the agonizing man. Trying to override his nerves with stimuli, she shakes his body harder and when it doesn't work, she slaps him with all the force her bodyguard training can muster.

She exhales in relief as the brunette on the hallway floor stops screaming and shaking. He instead looks dazed and terrified. She tries to pull herself back together as the man stares blankly at his hands, as if they were some alien extremity.

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The young woman on the phone tries to help her shell-shocked sibling, but as she does, her voice seems to crack due to her own fears for her life and that of her brother. She urges that they're just hallucinations, that it was just an attack, but she knows more than anything that it is not "just" anything.

It is what forced her to live years in fear that the second she stepped outside she would burst into flames. It is what stopped her from making friends, making a living, and making contact with the outside world. It is what stopped her from doing the things she loved when drumsticks became knives and it is what stopped her from doing things she needed when washing dishes became Siberian winters.

It was pararibulitis and it wasn't pretty. The young woman hated her brother, he lied to her and her family and made them practically destitute for his own gain. But he was still once her pillar or strength in dealing with it, and it was a fate she wouldn't wish on her worst enemy, let alone her kin.

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The man on the floor knows what it is too. He's tearfully and fearfully dealt with his sister's attacks enough times to realize what has happened to him. While the instinctual fears of his body burning are cast aside for the moment, a new and much more potent fear arises within him. He knows the gravity of the past few minutes, which felt like hours to him. His untouched hands that had vivid holes mere moments ago could only mean one thing.

Clear as can be, the attack's cause is the one thing that got him into this mess in the first place. The lie of his early-twenties comes back to haunt him more so than it already as. It was enough to have his sister, his rock, ripped away from him because of his mistakes, but this was just cruel. The moment that he learned from his past and was on his way to bettering his future, his past and the universe decide to destroy his present. It's almost comedic. He never can win because the second he does, he always seems to be punished. He always gets what he deserves.

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 _Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! I plan on doing more writing too so any love, inspiration and criticsm is always welcomed. Thanks loves!_


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